


Good Night to the FBI Agent Reading This

by Sermocinare



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, FBI Agent Hux, Hux is the FBI agent assigned to watching Poe's computer, M/M, to the FBI agents reading this: I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 07:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13654296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sermocinare/pseuds/Sermocinare
Summary: Hux is the FBI Agent assigned to watching Poe's internet activities. When he has a bad day, he decides to break the silence, because even FBI Agents need someone to talk to.





	Good Night to the FBI Agent Reading This

_And good night to the FBI agent reading this!_

Hux smiled. His target – he hated calling him that, it made it sound like Hux was a hitman – always signed out of the chat with that sentence. Now, he knew that it was simply meant as a joke, and that Dameron wasn't really talking to him, but it still made him feel as if he was more than just an unseen entity. That he wasn't a ghost.

–

Afterwards, Hux would blame his terrible, downright idiotic lapse of judgment and protocol on the fact that he was having a really bad day. He had been overlooked for promotion again, even though he was busting his ass every damn day, and then he had overheard two of his colleagues talking about him. Calling him a stuck-up jerk, a boring, pale slip of a man who only ever got as far as he had because of his father's position in the agency. As if his father had ever done anything to support him.

 

_And good night to the FBI agent reading this!_

**I doubt that I'll be having a good night.**

 

“What the fuck?!?” he heard Dameron mutter.

Then, Dameron grinned. Hux liked that grin. Actually, he liked that whole face. And the rest, too, whenever he got to see some of it through the laptop's camera. Yes, it did make him feel like a sleazy voyeur sometimes, but well, in a way, it was also compensation for how boring this job was otherwise.

 

_I know it's you, Ben. Good job on hacking into my computer._

**Ben logged off an hour ago.**

_sure thing, Ben._

**Why did you stop reading that one Luke/Han Solo slow burn fic? What was it called again... Force of Destiny?**

_whoa, now you're getting creepy, Ben._

 

Hux sighed. Well, he couldn't really expect Dameron to believe that he was the FBI agent assigned to watching him, did he? Still.

 

**I rather liked it. And I would have liked to know how Han realizes that it's more than just a fling.**

_so not only do you expect me to believe that you're the FBI agent watching me, you also expect me to believe that said FBI agent like Star Wars slash fic._

**Well to be honest, I didn't even know that was a thing before I was put on this assignment, and at first, I thought it was a bit weird. Especially the porn. But you converted me.**

_all right, I'll play along. So, FBI, why are you watching me?_

**We watch everybody.**

_and here I thought that was just a conspiracy theory. You know, X-Files stuff._

**Oh god, please don't mention that show. It really paints the FBI in a completely false light.**

_what, you don't investigate UFOs? Or cover them up?_

**That's the CIA's job.**

_so UFOs are real???_

**I didn't say that.**

_too bad. I like the idea that we're not alone in the universe_  

**Of course you do. You're a complete nerd.**

_hey!_

**Don't worry, I didn't mean that as an insult. I rather like sci-fi myself.**

_so my FBI agent is also a nerd who reads along when I'm reading slashfic ...omg do you have access to my camera, too???_

**Yes.**

_OH GOD YOU PERVERT I AM NEVER CHANGING WHILE LEAVING MY LAPTOP OPEN EVER AGAIN!!!_

**Don't worry, I always look away as soon as the pants come off. I do have some integrity left. I know, that sounds pretty rich coming from someone who spies on other people's private lives, but it's the truth.**

_...but just when the pants come off, huh?_

…

_like what you see? ~_^_

**Yes.**

_so you are a perv, lol_

**Just for job reasons.**

_suuuuuuure. So you're into guys, huh?_

**Yes.**

_let's recap: my assigned FBI agent is a sci-fi nerd who is into guys. You know, since you've been spying on my through my camera, I think I deserve a little bit of a description, here._

 

Hux chuckled to himself. Well, Dameron had a point there.

 

**All right. I guess the thing that's most noticeable is that I'm a ginger? Blue eyes. Tall. Pale, but that comes with being ginger. And kind of too thin. At least that's what people say. I guess I'm not really anyone's dream guy.**

_do you have freckles?_

**A few, yes.**

_cute! Let me guess: third generation Irish immigrant._

**First, actually.**

_still got the accent? I dig that accent._

**Yes, I do.**

_...you know, you do sound pretty cute, from that description._

**You probably wouldn't say that if you met me in person.**

_are you asking me out on a date, FBI? ~_^_

**If only I could.**

_guess it's against protocol. Hey, isn't chatting with your target against protocol, too???_

**It is. I've had a shit day. I guess I don't care any more. Sometimes, I think it would be better if they fire me.**

_why don't you quit, then?_

**It's complicated.**

_well, if you ever do, you have my name, phone number and address. Just as a little incentive. Btw, what's your name?_

**I can't tell you that.**

_figures. Anyway, FBI, I got to go. It was nice talking to you. We should do that again. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you._

**Good night. And thank you.**

 

Hux leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head, and sighed. Then, he got to work on deleting all evidence of their conversation.

–

4:20 pm

From: Armitage Hux

I quit. Want to meet for a coffee? We can talk about Star Wars. I'll tell you how that fic ends, if you want to. But no X-Files.

 

4:22 pm

To: Armitage Hux

Congratulations on freeing yourself from the yoke of government work. Sure! Day after tomorrow, the Starbucks on 34th?

 

4:23 pm

From: Armitage Hux

Yes. After all, I have a lot of free time now. Looking forward to finally meeting you.

 


End file.
